Under Siege

Here we have A movie review of Under Siege by the Head of our European fan club Rob. Anyway cheers, enjoy, and kick ass Seagal Style.

Arm breaking aikido master Steven Seagal goes on an all out mission to regain control of the highjacked US Navy dreadnaught that he is serving on. Serving being the key word, as he turns out to be the ships cook! The
masterminds behind the plot appear in the devastating duo of that albino jackrabbit son of a bitch (see Lethal Weapon) Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones in his best ever bad guy role.

"Petty Officer Ryback," Ensign Taylor (kiss ass to the XO, Krill(Busey))
"Ensign Taylor," Casey Ryback
"Sir," Taylor
"You don't have to 'sir' me, ensign. We're casual down here in the galley." Ryback
"I'd watch it, Ryback. We still have a week together."
"I guess that means I won't get to see you go through puberty."

One of the best things about this movie is that Casey Ryback (Seagal) gets his hands on Gary Busey before the hijacking even takes place. This sets the scene for Seagal to open up a can of whoopass on Gary and his group of caterers/terrorists that have convieniently boarded the ship with the bunny
(Yes, we'll get to her later). When Commander Krill(Busey) forgets to secure the galley during the hijacking, Ryback has a chance to escape when he takes out two armed proffessionals with a knife and a well placed choking technique.

When Busey and Tommy Lee Jones find out, they're a tad pissed. They then
find out that their plain and simple cook is infact a navy SEAL. Adequately
demonstrated by Rybacks use of the microwave as a bomb when Busey's boys try
to secure the galley.

Seagal finds the bunny.

"So who are you, are you like some special forces guy or something?" Jordan Tate
"I'm just a cook." Casey
"A cook?" Miss July
"Just a lowly lowly cook" Casey
"Oh my god we're gonna die!" Miss July.

Ryback and Miss July then find some of the crew that were sealed in a
sepearate area to the rest of the crew, who Krill tries to drown in a
desperate attempt to kill the SEAL, who Krill knows will try and save them.

When this doesn't work, Ryback has the chance to halt the sub that has
rendezvoused with the Dreadnought Missouri, he does this with a bomb made
with a lunchbox and a rubber amongst other things. He manages to plant the
bomb but gets injured in the process, Miss July saves him from Colm Meaney
of Star Trek fame the fucking idiot.

Seemingly recovered from the grappling hook in his shoulder, Ryback
continues to use the 5-inch guns on the ship to blow up the submarine once
it sets course, with Krill on board.

Then Steve sees 2 Tomahawk missiles fly from the Missouri, he knows he must
kick ass and fight his way to the bridge to get the codes for the nukes to
destroy them. A knife fight with Strannix ensues, which ends with Seagal
typically shoving the knife through the top of his opponent's head and
putting him through a radar screen in true badass style.

Seagal saves the day, gets the bunny, and finally wears his dress uniform!

What we learn from Under Siege:
Ginger ensigns don't go through puberty
If your XO turns up in drag, shoot the bastard
What striking an officer is all about
Tommy Lee Jones has never been caught, until he met Steven Seagal (Beep
Lowly cooks kick ass
Navy SEALs can cook
The safest place on a hijacked ship is right behind Steven Seagal
If you phone a Navy SEAL when he's busy, his answering machine will say "In
a gunfight, leave a message."

The list goes on.

Under Siege Wins Big for Seagal giving him 4 out of 4 Adams Apples for his personal necklace collection.

(He collects them, I mean who doesn't?)

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