The Oozinator Super Soaker

My buddy Charles Fisher goes to toys 'r' us the other day for some fart spray and stumbles on one of the worst PR decisions in a decade, The Oozinator, he then emailed me the other day:


I went to Toys R' Us the other day to look for a toy for my little brothers
b-day. As I walk into the store this little 13 inch tv is playing a video which made my head turn. It was advertising the Super Soaker Oozinator. I watched the short commercial in disbelief. The video keeps on looping. I swear I stood there and watched it at least 10 times and each time it got funnier and funnier. I'm
standing there laughing my ass off, and the employees are looking at me wondering why. So why is it so funny? In the commercial this kid sprays a bunch of kids with the Oozinator. You have to see it yourself, but basically, it looks like a bunch of guys are blowing their loads all over these kids. I espcially
like when the third kid is shot with it. It looks like he just blew a load all over his hand.

When I got home the first thing I did was see if I could find this on the Internet. Much to my avail, I found it. Unfortunately, it's not a direct link, but here is how to get to it. Go to http://www.hasbro.com/supersoaker/ From there, under "The Year's Hottest Blasters" click on the Oozinator. A pop-up
window will appear with the Oozinator displayed. Now click on "Wach Videos" in the upper right of the screen. Now towards the bottom of the page, click Oozinator. Finally, select your connection speed. Now sit and watch. This is the funniest ad ever!

Charles aka J. Meade

**** The video has actually since been removed*** But not before my other buddy Darren happened to extract some photo's from the shockwave video. Let me elaborate:

Who in their right mind could have:

A) Got a set prepped
B) Used money resources and casting time etc.
C) Publish this friggin thing.

The sick fucker who came up with this contraption had to been some raging petafile who loves watching children spooge on each other.

Our first subject:


Yin Yang

Here we have a little Asian kid learning how to properly perform the spiderman on a broad at an early age. This entails nailing a chick from behind, then before blowing your load pull the condom off and go in your hand. As soon as that bitch turn around you throw it in her in the face and yell: "i'm spiderman bitch". (note you probably won't get laid by her again... one night stands only)

You can tell by Yins reaction that he wasn't really ready to properly handle the spiderman, not only was his delivery poor, but it doesn't look like he even got a release on the broad.

Failure.




Choader:

Sometimes you just gotta be prepared to take it in the chest. Kind of like in an old time western, Choader here decides to turn sideways when it's time to "draw". Take it like a man Choad and face the Oozing head on, in old western times Choader would have been known as a "fucking pussy" (not in the books but they used that term a lot in Texas in the 1800's) since he can't take a load like a man.

And Choader, grow a god damn mustache.








Young Winston:

This is by far my favorite Oozinator reaction. Young Winston here was clearly unprepared for the power of the Oozinator and as you can see probably hasn't been pelted by it before.
This kind of reaction looks like an amateur porn where the broad really wasn't ready for what she was getting herself into. I mean when you've got 4 dudes standing around you shit's flying everywhere. This is typically the reaction you'd see. Except it's from an 8 year old in a super soaker commercial, wait'a fucking go hasbro.

Winston looks like he's attending a catholic priests private baptism for the first time.





There are more sick scenes in the commercial but i'm not going through all of them, i think you get the idea. Hopefully someone from Hasbro got fired. Because this is fucked up. I leave you with this:





The Actual Video on U Tube

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